Now, for the 7 dumbest questions I have ever received:

7. It takes my wife almost an hour to orgasm and I’m tired after 20 minutes. What do I do?

Uhm…you need to learn about foreplay, dude. It shouldn’t take her that long. Oh, regarding your stamina…try going to the gym. You are probably out of shape.

6. My wife isn’t hot at all, Doug. But, she is VERY horny. I love her, but her weight gain has made her less appealing than ever before. I don’t know what to do.

You can do what I did and get an escort for a few years, suffer the embarrassment of an affair, and endure 2 years of counseling…OR YOU CAN TALK TO HER!!! Try going to the gym yourself, then take her shopping, and let her know in the nicest way possible that she IS hot. She will live up to your encouragement.

5. I want to get my wife a naughty costume for Halloween. She refuses to dress up, even in private.

Dress up yourself, you pirate! She will get in the spirit of being a wench even without the costume when you dangle your scabbard in front of her.

4. I love blow jobs, but am not into going down on my wife. I know that seems like a double standard, but it just doesn’t do anything for me.

Hello, Felix! Perhaps you missed the point. Going down on your wife is for HER pleasure!!! Just imagine you are painting the Chinese alphabet with your tongue. In fact, put some of your 4 basic food groups down there and have a snack.

3. My wife used to have long hair. As she got older, she cut it shorter and shorter. It’s not a big thing, but she looks less sexy to me. What do I tell her?

Go out and buy 2 different colored wigs. She likes the short hair, you only need the long hair when you are banging her.

2. I want to have sex in a public place, my wife is horrified at the thought. How do I get her to go to a secluded beach or park and seduce her?

A) You can take her to a secluded place, slip ecstasy in her Kool-Aid and have a ball or B) Start off by simply fondling her at the park on a few visits…get her used to it, then cut her off for a month, and next time you take her there, bring flowers, a diamond, a new BMW, and renew your wedding vows right before you unzip your fly.

1. I only like 2 positions and my wife wants to try a new position almost every other day. I think it’s best to stay with what works. What do you think?

I think you are a dork.

Of course, my answers were a little kinder. But the essence of the questions is based on fear and rejection. Think about that. You are already married, so real rejection probably isn’t in the cards. What do you have to fear? Trying new things is sometimes uncomfortable. However, it really depends upon your attitude. Get in the spirit of FUN! Accept that you will create some embarrassing moments. That is half the fun. You will end up with some great laughs and some terrific new sexual experiences. For more fun, go to www.makeyourwifehot.com.