Make Your Wife Hot: My Blog

Humor is a terrific aphrodisiac…

Senior Citizen Oral Sex

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked, “How often I should have it?” His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time, and will maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary” The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well how about you and Grandma now?”

His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now”
“What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.
“Well,” Grandpa said, “She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, ‘Fuck You!’, and I holler back, ‘Fuck You’ too!”

Hypothetically and Realistically

One day a boy comes home from school and says, “Dad, I need to know the meaning of ‘hypothetically’ and ‘realistically’ for school.” The father replies, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with another man for 1 million dollars.” The little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. His dad says, “Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars.” He does and sure enough she says yes. The father says, “You see son, hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of whores.”

Don’t Disgrace The Family

A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.

He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: “Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family…”

At The Doctor’s Office

A beautiful woman walks into a doctors office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window. He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs. He says “Do you know what I am doing?” She replies “Yes, checking for abnormalities.” He tells her to take off her shirt and bra and he starts rubbing her breasts. He says “Do you know what I am doing now?” She replies “Yes, checking for lumps and cancer.” Finally, he tells he takes off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her, and starts having sex with her. He says “Do you know what I am doing now?” She replies “Yes, you’re getting herpes. That’s why I am here.”

Code Of Ethics

“Doctor, would you kiss me?” says the patient.
“No”, says the doctor. “You are a very beautiful woman, but it’s against my code of ethics.”
“Please, just one kiss”, she asks again.
“It’s totally out of the question,” he replies. “Strictly speaking you shouldn’t even be sucking my cock.”

The Happiest Woman In The World

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, ‘I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.’ The woman replies, “I’ll miss you…”

Lousy Lover

It’s the morning after the honeymoon, and the wife says, “You know, you’re really a lousy lover.” The husband replies, “How can you tell after only 30 seconds?”

Little Susie and Little Johnny

One day Little Susie got her monthly period for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny’s eyes opened wide in amazement. “You know,” he said, “I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!”

The Revenge

One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom. The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says “If these were firmer you wouldn’t need a bra.” The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him.

The next week the two are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says “If your ass was firmer you wouldn’t need a girdle.”

The wife is now pissed and is plotting her revenge.

One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says “If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn’t need your brother.”

Who was HE?

This guy was taking a course in human sexuality. The instructor was going through various things in the Kinsey report, and the class members gasped audibly when she read out that a woman had several hundred orgasms in a single session.

A male voice said, “Wow, who was she?”.
A female voice followed with, “The hell with that…who was HE?”

Use humor to break the ice, have some fun and create a sex life that is exciting, stimulating and herpes-free! Visit http://makeyourwifehot.com.